Excuses and goals

I hit a wall yesterday.  I let everything completely overwhelm me, and I just broke down.  Maybe its something about this time of year - I don't know, but I have been seriously struggling.

And you know what?  It's because I'm not taking care of myself.  I haven't been making time to work out, and I haven't been working at eating better.  My clothes are tighter, and I feel gross.   And after yesterday, I'm done.

I've been neglecting so many things in my personal life because my job is so demanding.  From the time I wake up until pretty much the time I go to bed, I'm either thinking about work or actually working.  That's not how I want to live my life.  My job is incredibly important to me, and I love it, but my happiness is more important.  I'm going to turn things around and get myself back to a happy place.

So, I'm going to track.  I'm going to work out.  I'm going to stretch and drink lots of water.  And if I mess up, I'm not going to give up.  I'm going to get right back at it.

So, for the sake of making myself accountable, or whatever the hell I'm thinking, here's my goals for the next month (a little early, I know, but I need to start now!):

1. Track everyday.  There's no excuse for not tracking - just denial, and I'm done with that.
2. Workout 3x a week, even if its just taking a walk.
3. Lose 5 lbs.  Should be easy if I accomplish the first two goals, right?
4. Make a motivation board and put it somewhere I'll see it everyday.

The first step is admitting you have a problem.

My name is Jill, and I'm fat.  Or, I feel fat anyway.

Doing this seemed like such a good idea before, but now that I'm actually getting to it, I don't even know where to begin.  I guess from the beginning, but that's not really my style.

I feel like ass this afternoon.  I'm tired, and I think my tummy hurts, but I'm not entirely sure.  I'm trying to blame it on the fact that I had Starbucks this morning, which is not my normal routine, and the caffeine is making me sick, but it's more likely that I'm just disgusted with myself.

This has been a long time coming - a few months at least.  But now it's undeniable.  I'm getting fatter.  I was in denial about it for a while, but now all the skinny clothes I was so happy to buy are getting tight, and, damnit, I am NOT going to buy new clothes just because I can't stop shoving food in my mouth.

So, clearly, something needs to change - me, specifically.  I need to remember why I was so determined to do this when I began.  Probably more importantly, I need to figure out what happened once I got so close to being at my goal that I went and screwed it all up.

I need some accountability, because it's too easy to just let myself be lazy since I'm on my own.  Gizmo doesn't give me the side eye when I run back and forth between the couch and the freezer for more ice cream.

Anyway, I know it's going to take me a while to figure this whole thing out, but I do know that it's not working any more to just be accountable to myself for my failures and successes.  So, here it is, world.  Help me keep my ass in line.